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The Flying Gimp
March 1994
By Catherine Kitcho
The airlines are not well equipped to handle passengers who wear
crutches. They can handle the passengers pretty well, but crutches,
well, no. Crutches don't fit under the seat in front of you. Neither
do they fit in the overhead bins of most aircraft. Which means
that the flight attendant must stash them somewhere in the hidden
compartments on the plane where they put all the odd-sized stuff
that they tell you they don't have room for. Then what do you
do when you need to use the lavatory? You push the attendant call
button, and of course you don't get the same one who stashed your
crutches. So then the one you called goes and looks for the one
who you think stashed your crutches. She can't find her, so she
starts looking for the crutches herself. By then, it's time for
them to start blocking the aisles again with those lovely beverage
carts. This is a delay tactic, because they can't find the crutches,
but they know they will have to find them eventually in order
to get you off the plane. So, after the beverage service (which
you refuse since you really have to go now), they have a little
flight attendant meeting in the back of the plane to talk about
your crutches, except just when they think they've found them,
it's time for them to do the walkthrough before landing. You of
course remind them when they walk by your seat and they nod and
wink and say "Yes, we'll get them for you. Just as soon as we
land."
You also get the privilege of boarding early, along with the little
unaccompanied rug rats and the wheel chairs. The first time is
pretty neat, until you realize that you are the last to get off
the plane. The next time, you settle in to your bulkhead seat
and a 10-year old boy with a cast on his right leg sits next to
you. Your cast is on the left leg, also knee to toe. Every passenger
walks by and snickers, thinking you are mother and son. One says,
"How did you two manage that? Matching casts!" You reply," I never
saw this kid before in my life."
Regulations require that they remove you from the plane in a wheel
chair; even if you have crutches. When they come and pick you
up, this big, burly ex-football player says, "Where to?"
"Baggage claim and the Hertz counter", you reply. He chuckles,
thinking you're not serious. He retrieves your bag from the serpentine
carousel, then asks, "Are you sure you're renting a car?"
"I can drive", you reply. "The cast is on my left leg. As long
as I get an automatic, I'm fine." He parks you in the Hertz line,
four people deep. Everyone is staring at you, amused. You work
your way up to the front. The clerk leans over the counter and
says, "Oh there is someone down there in line. May I help you?"
You tell her about your reservation. She asks, "Are you sure you
can drive?" You reply, "It's an automatic, right?" She walks around
the counter and brings your paperwork for you to sign. She calls
out to the lot and has one of the clerks drive the car out front
for you. He loads your bag, you hobble onto the crutches from
your wheelchair and you're off. Such service. It almost makes
you want to keep using those crutches once the cast comes off,
if you get such service. Almost.
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